The Infancy of My New Life
Updated: Dec 10, 2019
11.14.2016. Sober Quarantine
Damn that bus. It hit me. And then reversed and backed over me again. I remember this day clearly. It was the LAST awful Monday of my life. I was called into the boss's office and a promotion was taken from me. I for the first time admitted my struggle with alcohol to them. The support I got was amazing. However, the shame and disappointment seemed to overshadow that. My parents and sister picked me up to take me out to lunch. It was then spoken for the first time that I was going to get sober. Everyone clearly supported this decision. Everyone seemed tired and exhausted as I was. The support I received was very important to me. I’ve always felt that drinking was much more acceptable than not. If you don’t drink, you tend to get questioned or ridiculed. I felt refreshed speaking the words to those close to me and this was the first step in changing my life.
The day before was the last day I drank. 11.14.2016 is my sober date. And also, my mom’s birthday. She always said that me getting sober was the ultimate birthday present. Alcoholism and addiction run in both sides of my family. I’m not here to point fingers or diagnose anyone as that’s not my place but it’s always been clear to me looking back at situations within the family that just didn’t seem right. My family history aside, why do people develop unhealthy relationships with substances? Why do people use it as a crutch to cope? For many, it seems impossible to do without. It’s hard to tell and I firmly believe different things work for different people. I’m excited to share my journey and how I’ve changed my mindset. Coping is a huge release and there are other ways to cope that I’m excited to share along the way.
My first step was isolation. I had to remove myself from situations, environments and people. For months, there were 3 places I went. Work. Gym. Home. Why? Willpower. Willpower was weak and I couldn’t be around temptation. It was the only life I knew! I only knew a life fueled with alcohol. That was my happiness, my sadness, my fun, my pastime, and sadly what I felt defined me. I was determined. This would no longer define me. I was going to rewrite who I was and what I wanted to be. I knew time would have to pass first. I only told a few people about the sobriety thing until I rewired my mind and it stuck for a while. I never posted about it, never talked about it and just kept it inside as it was only another secret. I mean I was in the closet for 25 years. What’s one more thing about my life to suppress. My idea was I had to be successful at being sober before I talked about it. I didn’t want to speak it and then relapse proving to be a failure which I’ve done a handful of times before. This wasn’t my first go at trying to be sober. I’ve had many, many failing attempts.
So, months went by and I kept avoiding people and disappeared from the community from whom I’ve come to know all too well. Stuck up. Jackass. Boring. Arrogant. Lame. Those were just a few things I were called because I wouldn’t bounce back into the lifestyle nor conform to a life that was leading me to an early grave. At first this bothered me. Who doesn’t want to fit in? Who doesn’t want acceptance especially from their own community? Eventually, this just built an extra layer of skin over me. I started thinking a little differently. I wanted my sobriety, my life, my goals more than anything. I wanted it more than fake friends or party friends. Shit, all we had in common was throwing down shots at the bar. This fueled my fire even more. Call me what you want, my sobriety has nothing to do with anyone else and it sure as hell wasn’t my business what others thought of me. I started to lash out. Not a lot but post judgmental stuff about other’s lifestyles. As time went on and I continued to grow, I regretted all of this. I didn’t want to offend anyone. I didn’t want to come off as judging others but that’s exactly how it came off. I was new to this. People were being mean so I 100% judged their lifestyle and their decisions. I almost felt that if I was sober, everyone should be sober. I do not think like that now at all! When you’re newly sober, you are in such a vulnerable state. As time goes on and you learn to deal, cope and be around it you start to think much differently. I wish I could have taken it back because I was living up to their harsh critiques (Stuck up was the first one to come to mind). You live and you learn and this was a lesson I had to learn along the way. I never wanted to make others feel inferior. To be clear, that was never the intent. The intent was to empower others to hop aboard this amazing new lifestyle if they so choose to. No hangovers. No terrible, drunk decisions. No regret. It was incredible! A way of life that you felt your feelings (all of them) and experienced your experiences with clear mind and body. If you were offended by a few things I said when I first became sober and are reading this now. I’m sorry. Everyone is entitled and empowered to lead their lives however they choose. My way isn’t the right way for everyone and I get that. In my mind, happiness should be everyone’s end goal. Alcohol for me, led to the exact opposite.
This blog is going to be about much more than sobriety. It’s going to empower happiness, wellness, mindset, fitness and life. Through this journey, I have learned so much. I have a lot to share and can’t wait to bring many people along for the ride!
Think about the goals you want to accomplish and the life you want.
What is the first step to move you forward to this goal? What is holding you back from getting this accomplished?
Mine was easily the environment and people I was surrounding myself with….
More to come on that later!