Sunday Fundays & Monday Dark-Days
Updated: Dec 25, 2019
When I used to drink, my biggest fault was not having the ability to control how much or when to stop. I mean they call it a drinking problem for a reason right!? With that said, my binges usually started Friday after work and wouldn’t stop until Sunday nights. When I got off work, I immediately went to the liquor store after making plans all day with my party friends to grab a liter of vodka. The sad part about this is I would intentionally skip dinner and take shots at home alone. My chaser was water. I couldn’t add food to the mix of thousands and millions of calories I drank. Clearly this was super unhealthy but keep in mind with the alcoholic, booze comes above all. After I was buzzed, I would find out where my friends were and go out with them. Usually this started with a low-key gay bar and then morph into a gay club / party scene with lots of shots and lots of dancing. This was a typical Friday and Saturday night. I was constantly blacking out. This was a regular occurrence every time I drank. Every. Damn. Time. My logic was that this was what everyone did. I wasn’t the only one going out, getting drunk and having a ‘good’ time. This was what I thought was the norm. The old Sam used to think that you had to have fun with alcohol. Any type of activities I had to drink, order drinks or bring drinks. Bowling. Must get hammered. Haunted Houses. Bring the tequila! Saturday morning at my sister’s visiting my nieces, sneak to the bar downstairs and have some crown royal. This is normal right? Wrong. I always felt guilt, shame and internal embarrassment when I did this. Going back to my previous thought about the ‘norm’, yes, the norm was people could go out have fun, have some drinks, get tipsy and go home. But with me, all the other shit that happened led me to realize this isn’t normal. The pre-drinking alone, sneaking to find alcohol in the morning, not eating while I drink, not having the ability to control what I drink was definitely NOT normal. Overthinking about this and having so much shame about these uncontrollable choices caused off and on depression. I never had the depression on the weekends because I would power through with alcohol so in a sense, I would never come down off alcohol until I had no choice but to.
On Day 3 of the binge came the glorious Sunday Funday! Bottomless mimosas, house parties, drag shows and dark clubs with the gloomy Sunday night vibes. Throughout the weekend, I maybe nibbled on some food, clearly never hit the gym because I was lit and drank all my calories. Sunday’s were the cherry on top of a 3 days binge weekend. Sunday nights usually ended in pizza because after not really eating for 3 days I was starving. After typically spending $500-600 per weekend it was time to crash and start the work week with a depressing Monday yet again.
I never hit the gym Monday mornings. I woke up after snoozing as long as possible and made a cup of coffee trying to get out the door before I was late to work which was also a common occurrence. I hated Mondays. No. I loathed Mondays. My lack of serotonin, lack of food, overexposure to alcohol and lack of quality sleep always hit me hard. I suffered major depression on Mondays and had little motivation. Most of the time I wouldn’t eat either. I thought about all the dumb mistakes I made and wondered about the ones I made that I don’t remember. This was a roller coaster and this was a cycle that I needed to get off to survive and live. I was fearful. Fearful that I would end up dead, suicidal again or with a disease that would kill me slowly (or quickly for that matter). Every Monday, I would go through the motions at work and endure comments about how tired I look with my eyes essentially swollen shut. The eye’s fit in perfectly with my daunt and swollen face, broken out skin and looking rougher than ever. MONDAY’S WHY!!! WHY did you have to come again so quickly and bring all the excess baggage with you that wreaked havoc on my life – personally, professional, physically, emotionally (all the illy’s). Something had to change and had to change quickly. Was my 3 day binge every weekend worth feeling bad sometimes all the way until Wednesday? These long, depressing hangovers couldn’t be shaken quickly. In reality, I was feeling prime, good and productive 2-3 days a week which was Wednesday, Thursday and Friday before the train wreck started all over again. My weekends were so tumultuous the hangovers would last past Monday, into Tuesday and sometimes even Wednesday. This wasn’t a beautiful life. It was sad. It was unfulfilling and killing my potential. I knew I had what it takes to have a successful life. I had a lot of goals but with the alcohol demon I wouldn’t get where I wanted to go. It was holding me back from my true potential and I needed to do something about it.
Sober date. November 14, 2016. This was also the last depressing; hungover and terrible Monday I’ve had. By far, it was the worst (see previous blog post “Sober Quarantine” to read the details).
I love Monday’s! Set the F***ING TONE.
Now I’m obsessed with Mondays! Have you heard the quote, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” - Wayne Dyer? I love this! It’s all about mindset. Now I look at Monday’s as a way to set the tone for the week. It motivates me to start the week off right and in turn leads to success from the start. How did I make this change? Now I take care of myself on the weekends. Self-care is so important and I do several things to ensure I am rested and ready to go for Mondays. Everyone does a damn good job of plugging in to keep their phone charged, they need to do the same with their mind and their bodies. Sleep, mediation, salt baths, face masks, my Sunlighten infrared sauna are just a few strategies I use to recharge, de-stress and maintain a balanced life. I have an upcoming post about my morning and evening routines which includes my favorite supplements and self-care rituals. Consistency is key as it is with everything. You have to constantly get your mind right, take care of your body and practice strong self-care routines. It will make a big difference in your life.
Another tip is having some weekend balance. If you always work, disconnect and take some time to yourself. One mistake when I drank and why Mondays were the worst was because there was no balance. It was one big party ALL THE TIME. If you get off course on the weekend that’s okay. But sprinkle in some balance. What that means for me now is that I will have some junk food or a cheat meal but I don’t do it uncontrollably. My boyfriend Adam and I love to eat! We love pizza, we love tacos, we love burgers. What we do now instead is have 1-2 cheat meals while still having vegetables, hitting the gym on Saturday, plenty of water etc. We make sure to continue some balance rather than have 3-4 cheat meals Friday, Saturday and Sunday and completely throwing us off course. Your body will thank you for this all while you also give your cravings a treat. ;)
Mondays can be great but you have to make them great. Your mind can be right but you have to make it right. Get up earlier than you usually do on a Monday. Mediate and tell yourself it’s going to be a great day! Then proceed to never miss that Monday workout, put your favorite jams on and set that successful, productive tone for the week!
What are some things you are going to do differently to have a better start to the week and a better Monday?
What is 1 self-care practice you are going to sprinkle into your life?