Today I choose courage over comfort
Updated: Dec 25, 2019
Done. I couldn’t do it anymore. It was getting in the way of everything. Success. Financial Freedom. Physical goals. Every relationship. Happiness. There was a lot I wanted to accomplish but there seemed to be this one demon that got in the way of everything. It came before going to work. It came before paying bills. It came before what I ‘wanted’ because I wasn’t willing to do anything about it.
Have you ever wanted something so badly but was unwilling to sacrifice the things it took to get there? I sure as hell have. I remap the past of how I got to this point and it was pretty clear. The pain of your past, if you hold onto it, can ruin your future. One of my undying keys to success is dealing with my pain. I use it to light the fire under my ass to create the life I want. Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day and everyone can create whatever life they want to have. The problem is that people say they want something but are unwilling to put the work in to get it.
Things require work. Goals require sacrifice. Accomplishments require pivots.
If you want extraordinary results you know what you need to do? Something extraordinary!
The date listed above is my sobriety date. That’s right. No alcohol since then. People often think of this as though I have lost something. I look at it completely different. Alcohol to me was #1. It came above everything else. I had two options. Zero drinks or 1000 drinks. There is no in between for me and many of us battling addiction. By getting rid of this monster that was wreaking havoc on my entire life, I was able to accomplish many goals that I only dreamed about in my 20s. So instead of looking at it like that, I look at it as this huge reward. An honorary plaque if you will. Possessed by me, from me. My sobriety has given me more than anything I could ask for in life and I couldn’t be happier. I credit all my successes I have achieved to that single sacrifice I made. Sobriety has been the hardest challenge I’ve faced in my life. But I’ve said it once and will say it again, “Your pain is your power!”
I grew up in a small, religious town in Kansas. At an early age, I knew I was different. Being raised Catholic, I turned to religion and god and tried the path of prayer. “Dear God, please let me be normal. Please make me like girls. I’d do anything for this and promise to pray every night. I’ll be nice to my parents too.” This was all at the ripe age of 7 years old. As life went on and years passed nothing changed. Obviously. (Insert Lady Gaga’s Born This Way J).
This escalated many problems. First, you are one person on the inside but in turn trying to be someone else on the out. I dated girls, tried to act normal and by the age of 16 I had my first drink. I loved the way this made me feel. It made it easier to deal with the pain in fact that I knew I was attracted to guys. It made it easier to forget the years of being bullied, called a girl, called a fag and hell even put in a headlock while having my nose twisted in the back of the school bus until I drenched blood all over my clothes and the drive had to pull over. It was those three wine coolers and then I finally felt like the pain was numb. For once I felt like I could say and do things I would never do of sober mind. At this point in my life, I could kind of shut the drinking off and on. I wouldn’t go out all the time or drink all the time. However, most times I did it involved taking a trip to black out town. Fortunately and unfortunately, this was only the beginning…
For the record, I don’t want sympathy or pity. I’m telling these stories because you can change the course of your life. You can make things happen. You can develop. You can use your struggles to build up incredible strength.